The Importance of Being Forty
In a couple of weeks I will be 40; a turning point. For many women, turning 40 is a difficult milestone. We dread it. We fear it. We hate it. We deny it. But it comes anyway. We don’t obsess about marriage anymore. We don’t obsess about kids anymore. We do however continue to obsess about our “right to choose.”
At 40, the “right to choose” is defined as: “HOW DO WE CHOOSE TO AGE?”
Do we choose to use a little Botox and/or Juviderm to maintain our dwindling youthful appearance? Do we choose to simply add more expensive skin products to our daily regimen hoping we can avoid Botox and Juviderm until we’re 45? Or, do we choose, as we like to say, to “age gracefully.” But let’s face it; aging is about as graceful as it sounds.
Like many of you I suspect, I too was a teenager devoid of SPF. Back then our favorite skin product combination was Clinique Tan Enhancer layered with baby oil. We spent summers on the beach with foil behind our head in search for the perfect bronze glow. Sure it was damaging, but we looked damn good!
Our 20’s were filled with nights out drinking and frivolous one night stands followed by the early morning “walk of shame” and a much needed “Silkwood” shower. We chronically agonized and wondered if this guy or that guy was “the one.” Our apartments were shitholes. We spent our money on cheap booze and Suave shampoo. We had shitty jobs, or the shitty beginnings of good jobs.
Our 30’s were even more of a wasteland. We could no longer wear micro-miniskirts, halter-tops and platforms, but weren’t old enough for Chanel or Lanvin either. So we were stuck with Banana Republic. We couldn’t wear green nail polish anymore, but the deep dramatic reds seemed too “mature.” As for skincare, we couldn’t justify La Prairie, but Hard Candy seemed a bit sophomoric. We were stuck in mid-fashion, mid-colors, mid-skin care; hell, we were stuck in mediocrity.
George Bernard Shaw’s famous quote “youth is wasted on the young” is highly overrated. I mean really. What do we miss so much about being young? Such things as financial dependence on my parents, shitty first apartments, shitty paying jobs and crashing on someone’s couch I’ve happily left in my past. But there is one thing I miss. One thing hidden in Mr. Shaw’s quote: LOOKING young. Let me jog your memory. Remember the days of waking up LOOKING stunning after a restful 3 hours of sleep that followed 25 Jaegermeister shots and 2 packs of cigarettes? Indeed. I miss that.
Which brings me back to the original question: How do we choose to age? And for any of those still disillusioned, beauty IS on the outside. Especially now.
So here are our options:
1) “The Bride of Wildenstien”: Our 15 minutes of fame will be wasted on WE TV’s “Secret Lives of Women: Plastic Surgery Addicts.”
2) “Weathered with an Attitude”: Our diamonds more than make up for overwhelming pigmentation-think Pat Buckley. She was great pals with Bill Blass. She was tall. She was thin. Her couture was impeccable. And damn if she didn’t smoke her brains out with guaranteed front row at Fashion Week to boot.
3) “Gracefully Scientific”: A bit of Botox here and there; a nip and tuck to look 32 for as long as we can-secretly hoping we don’t end up escalating our love of Botox like we escalated our drug choices in college. But with the right regimen and a damn good doctor, Botox makes us 32 again. But for fucksake it’s time to be a grown up. So lie about it. “Why thank you so much. You must be joking? I have no idea why I still look 32.”
But as far as I’m concerned, however a woman chooses to “age” is her own personal choice. And I applaud those choices.
So whether your choice is surgery, Botox or nothing, I feel this list will resonate with all of us 40ish women on some or many levels.
THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING FORTY
1) ReVive Intensite Volumizing Serum is not extravagant. It’s the “fourth” basic need. ReVive Intensite Volumizing Serum, shelter, water and food. Yes, in that order. Life really does get simpler as we get older.
2) People finally listen when you tell them to fuck off.
3) Silly old priorities such as shoes and handbags, are replaced with much more important ones like stocks and real estate.
4) In the workplace, being a bitch has real impact. And it’s so much more fun.
5) Chanel collection is now appropriate for ALL occasions.
6) We can travel anywhere without the threat of being kidnapped and sold into sexual slavery.
7) You’ve stopped lying to yourself and everyone else. Size really does matter.
Searching for your “soulmate” has become much easier. All the old questions such as “does he really know me?” “will it last forever?” “will he be a good father?” “do we have common interests and goals?” “is there a lasting connection?” have all been replaced with the much simpler, “how much real estate does he own?”
9) You no longer have any moral dilemma about having sex in exchange for Harry Winston jewelry. Remember: you’ve had sex for a LOT less than that.
10) You can finally pop pills legally.
11) You empathize with Joan Crawford. A “good” child would never refuse a perfectly good rare steak with such disdain. And really-would you hang your Balenciaga on a wire hanger?
12) You know the difference between good duck confit and mediocre duck confit.
13) No more screwing around with “beauticians.” Your skincare specialist is a fucking M.D.
14) You finally understand what your mother meant when she wanted you to “marry well.”
15) Paris isn’t a vacation. It’s a weekend jaunt.
16) You never have to go to a shopping mall again. I assure you Yves St Laurent isn’t in any mall.
17) You understand the importance of throwing money at a problem.
18) Not having a maid makes about as much sense as not having a shower.
19) Kids or no kids-that subject is now closed for discussion.
20) Your shrink isn’t a grad student with some flimsy HMO. Your shrink has an office. On Fifth Avenue.